So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
