We tried having a conversation with our noses.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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