you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize