I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
