I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize