Just cropdusted the office
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
