I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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