Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
