My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
