I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
