well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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