mondays should just be called national damage control day
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
