Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
