Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
