I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Randomize
