So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize