highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
