Your mouth is God's brothel.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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