Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i now understand why vodka
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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