I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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