Can Purell be used as lube?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
