I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
