Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize