At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
