...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Randomize
