My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
