i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
