im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
