Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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