It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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