Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
