Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
