we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
