hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
