He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
