I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
