Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
