im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
