I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
