It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize