Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
