Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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