He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
