Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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