im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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