if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
