My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
