Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
