I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize