y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you remember whose house we're in?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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