ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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