i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
