Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
