my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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