woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
