rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
