I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
