life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
