guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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