Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
