If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
