So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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