I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
