OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
