don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
