so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
