Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Found your dick twin last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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