She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
